I try to keep away from poisonous people after my bad experiences. But sometimes, like tonight, I wish that I had them in my life. There's something about pain understanding pain that I no longer have in my life in the same way. It's the poisonous ones that I understand and understand me. And my pain.
I've been struggling with friendship recently. Not the nature, but the presence. I miss those casual friends that just stop by. Or you can call on a dime for random stuff not big emergencies. I need more of those friendships. But, I live in a catch 22. I want that, but I don't want to go out and look for it. It takes so much energy and it puts myself in a position of possibly being hurt. Which I don't want to happen of course. Last year was a friendship fast. It's hard to move forward from that.
But, things are getting better. I've gained more energy. I'm lasting longer during the day. I can do more physical exercise without having fatigue. It's good. And then I have days like today where it was just exhausting. Where I was having a "Graves" day. Where I just wanted to stay at home and sleep.
